#50: The Bench Wins Game

SEE THE SHOW NOTES, TRANSCRIPT AND MORE AT:  https://cdf.ms/s9e2-shelley

What does it take to turn a setback into momentum?

In the 50th episode of IgniteCast, Judd Wilson and Taylor Tutor sit down with Shelly Miller, Tupelo High School teacher and girls soccer coach, to explore John C. Maxwell’s Law of Momentum and what it looks like on the field, in the classroom and in everyday leadership.

Shelly shares the story behind Tupelo’s state championship run, including how a previous championship loss helped fuel the team’s belief that they belonged on that stage. She explains why momentum doesn’t mean avoiding adversity. Instead, great teams learn to use setbacks to “fail forward” and propel themselves toward the next goal.

The conversation also explores creating healthy competition, getting an entire team to buy in and why “the bench wins games.” For Shelly, momentum grew when individual success became team success and every player understood the role they played in making the team better.

That same philosophy carries into Shelly’s classroom, where she believes caring for students and holding them to high expectations go hand in hand. Whether she’s teaching math or coaching soccer, her goal is to help students embrace the struggle, push through adversity and believe they are capable of more.

Tune in for a conversation about belief, resilience, teamwork and how controlling your response can help you create momentum when you need it most.

Big thanks to iHeartMedia, our Presenting Sponsor for the entire IgniteCast podcast and the powerhouse fueling this season’s episodes! 🔊🔥 

🎧 New episodes drop every other Thursday, packed with insight, inspiration, and actionable ideas to help you grow as a leader—right where you are.

Want to learn more about the Ignite Leadership Conference?
 Visit 👉 www.igniteleadership.com

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

[00:00:00] Taylor Tutor: Spark action. Brought to you by the Community Development Foundation, your Chamber of Commerce, and economic development engine for Tupelo and Lee County. Thank you to our presenting sponsor, iHeartMedia, for powering this season of IgniteCast. I'm Taylor. 

[00:00:35] Judd Wilson: I'm Judd. 

[00:00:36] Taylor Tutor: And welcome to IgniteCast. 

[00:00:38] Judd Wilson: And welcome 

[00:00:39] Taylor Tutor: to IgniteCast.

[00:00:39] Taylor Tutor: Welcome to IgniteCast. It's 

[00:00:42] Judd Wilson: always fun being on IgniteCast, the official podcast of the Ignite Leadership Conference. That sounded official, didn't it? 

[00:00:49] Taylor Tutor: A little official, but if you're a first time listener and you don't know what the Ignite Leadership Conference is, it is a leadership conference put on by the Community Development Foundation here [00:01:00] in Tupelo, Mississippi.

[00:01:01] Taylor Tutor: The conference is at The Orchard in Tupelo, Mississippi on- Right here ... January 21st this year. We have three big speakers this year, John Maxwell, Valerie Burton, and Mark Cole. If you don't have your ticket yet, early bird tickets are still on sale until Friday, October the 9th. Get 'em at 

[00:01:21] Judd Wilson: igniteleadership.com.

[00:01:21] Judd Wilson: And you know another thing exciting about this podcast? 

[00:01:23] Taylor Tutor: Tell me, Judd. 

[00:01:24] Judd Wilson: This is the 50th IgniteCast- 50th ... podcast. That's a big deal. 50th 

[00:01:32] Taylor Tutor: episode. Wow. 50 of 'em. 

[00:01:34] Judd Wilson: Shelly, did you know you were gonna be on the 50th episode? I- I mean, it's a big deal ... 

[00:01:38] Shelly Miller: I did not. 

[00:01:38] Judd Wilson: That's why the balloons- Lucky you ... are in the back. And then we have these light refreshments today-

[00:01:42] Judd Wilson: because it's the 50th. 

[00:01:44] Taylor Tutor: Yes. Today we do have- Yeah, good one. Good one. We do have Shelly Miller with us today from Tupelo High School. Shelly, tell us a little bit about yourself. 

[00:01:53] Shelly Miller: Well, I'm born and raised here in Tupelo, Mississippi. My parents are here. I know, you know, just went to high school here, played [00:02:00] sports here, married, met my husband in 10th grade here.

[00:02:04] Shelly Miller: Wow. Yeah, it's been awhile. Um, came back, coached, and just all things Tupelo. 

[00:02:08] Taylor Tutor: Yeah. Well, tell us a little bit about coaching. What do you coach, and tell us a little bit of y- about your successes in that. 

[00:02:13] Shelly Miller: Yeah. So I coach girls soccer mostly. Mm-hmm. I've dabbled in a little bit of everything else. Mm-hmm. I did some, um, tennis, some swimming, some...

[00:02:21] Shelly Miller: Let's see, what else have I helped with? I think a little bit of everything. Yeah. Uh, but mostly girls soccer. That's my main sport. Um, was coach from 2003 through 2014, I think. Okay. And then came back about four years ago. 

[00:02:34] Taylor Tutor: Wow. 

[00:02:35] Judd Wilson: Exciting. 

[00:02:36] Taylor Tutor: Exciting. Exactly. That's a lot of, a lot of leadership and coaching, but I'm sure you lead in the classroom as well.

[00:02:41] Shelly Miller: Yes, love teaching. 

[00:02:42] Taylor Tutor: Yes. 

[00:02:42] Shelly Miller: It's my favorite. 

[00:02:43] Taylor Tutor: Good. Well, we like to start every, um, episode with this one question, so I wanna ask you, what's the best leadership tip you've ever been given? 

[00:02:50] Shelly Miller: I think probably the best tip I've ever been given is to be unapologetically yourself in leadership. Um, you know, find your [00:03:00] style and stick th- stick to it, because you're never gonna make everybody happy anyway.

[00:03:04] Shelly Miller: Um, so you kind of have to do what, what feels best with you. 

[00:03:07] Taylor Tutor: Yeah, I love that. 

[00:03:08] Judd Wilson: Authenticity. Aut- 

[00:03:10] Taylor Tutor: authenticity. 

[00:03:12] Judd Wilson: She lets me say the big words. I like it. Yeah. 

[00:03:15] Taylor Tutor: But I can say unapologetically. There 

[00:03:17] Shelly Miller: you go. 

[00:03:18] Taylor Tutor: That's a big 

[00:03:19] Judd Wilson: one. You did well. 

[00:03:20] Taylor Tutor: Thank you. Thank you. That's great. That's great. Um, we do wanna talk a little bit on, for this season of Ignite, because of John Maxwell being at Ignite, we're focusing on his laws of leadership.

[00:03:31] Taylor Tutor: He has 21, 21 laws, Irrefutable Laws of Leadership is his book, and, um, one that we wanna focus on today in leadership is the law of momentum. So, um, we've got a clip from John Maxwell I want you to listen to, and then we'll talk about it. 

[00:03:45] John Maxwell: Create momentum. When you have a problem, one of the best ways to, to make it disappear, now this is really important, especially if you have any kind of a leadership role, is for you to create momentum.

[00:03:55] John Maxwell: Because what I discovered is momentum solves problems. Now, [00:04:00] not every problem. Momentum has energy. Momentum exaggerates things in a positive way. It, it's not the size of your problem that's your problem, it's the size of your momentum. And the more that you increase momentum, the more that you and I can begin to solve problems.

[00:04:15] John Maxwell: In fact, I learned a long time ago in business, managers try to solve problems. What do leaders do? Leaders, they try to create momentum. So the next time you have a problem, ask yourself What's positive about this? What, what, what is a takeaway out of here that's gonna create a little bit of momentum that we'll be able to attack this problem head on and be able maybe to knock it down?

[00:04:37] John Maxwell: Create some momentum. It won't solve all your problems, but it will solve a lot of them 

[00:04:44] Judd Wilson: I love that. So as a coach, I mean, you're dealing with momentum all the time, aren't you? 

[00:04:49] Shelly Miller: All the time. Sure. All the time. Through the game, even, you know, through the season, through a single game, it just ebbs and flows.

[00:04:55] Shelly Miller: Mm. 

[00:04:56] Judd Wilson: And Shelly didn't mention this, but you won a state championship of girls [00:05:00] soccer. So what's momentum like before you won the state championship, getting to that, winning that state championship, and now coaching after that? 'Cause that momentum's gotta be different. 

[00:05:10] Shelly Miller: It is. It's very hard. So, like, I look back and I think about our season year before last when, the, when we lost in the state championship game, and we had been on a really big roll there.

[00:05:20] Shelly Miller: We didn't really think we maybe belonged in the state championship game at the time. Um, and so one of the things that we started talking about at that point with our momentum is, is that I think a lot of people take momentum and think when you have momentum, you don't have adversity. You know, you don't have any setbacks.

[00:05:34] Shelly Miller: Everything's positive. Everything's going your way. Um, but I think more importantly than that, momentum's about making those setbacks a way to fail forward. And so instead of them becoming something that stops you, it's something that propels you forward. So as we moved through the beginning of the season, um, we knew that we belonged in the state championship game.

[00:05:51] Shelly Miller: Uh, so we kind of started getting a little bit of belief in that. Um, I will say there was a part in the middle of the season where I think I believed and they didn't. Um, and so we had to have a lot of, [00:06:00] lot of big conversations about how to, how to shift that back into our favor. Um, but once they can get that belief, um, then things just start swinging your way.

[00:06:08] Judd Wilson: And, and so now they have that belief, and you're coaching soccer, and you're using the word believe. Y- Ted Lasso- Oh ... has gotta come up in this question here in a second. 

[00:06:16] Shelly Miller: You should see my classroom. I, okay. I have this 

[00:06:19] Taylor Tutor: big sign. Yay. I was really hoping 

[00:06:21] Shelly Miller: so. I love it. 

[00:06:22] Taylor Tutor: Do y'all, do y'all hit it? 

[00:06:23] Shelly Miller: Oh, yes. Yeah.

[00:06:25] Shelly Miller: Definitely. It's my favorite. It's my favorite. He has so many amazing life lessons throughout his show. Unfortunately, I can't show it to the students- Oh ... 'cause there's a lot of, uh, inappropriate things. Yeah. No. But I can take the good stuff. Yeah. 

[00:06:35] Judd Wilson: Yeah. Roy Kent might show up- Right. ... and you gotta hit the pause button.

[00:06:37] Shelly Miller: Exactly. 

[00:06:39] Taylor Tutor: Yeah, that's good. Well, talk about that, um, shift a little bit. So you said you b- you believed halfway through, maybe they didn't. How did you, you know, get them on your side, and what did you do to help them to start believing in, in themselves, and that they did belong there? 

[00:06:53] Shelly Miller: Right. Like, so I actually sat them down and talked to them about it.

[00:06:56] Shelly Miller: Um, I said at the end of practice one day, I said, "I just don't [00:07:00] feel the enthusiasm. I don't feel the energy. Um, I feel like I'm trying to light the fire every day." Mm-hmm. Um, and I talked to them about taking ownership of their team. Uh, the big thing that we discussed was how everybody has different talents.

[00:07:14] Shelly Miller: Um, and so when you start letting your talent complement someone else's talent rather than trying to be what they are, uh, it just grows the team as a whole. So we just kind of started from the bottom and talked about how each person on the team is gonna compete for a place on the field. We kind of started over from scratch from our lineup.

[00:07:33] Shelly Miller: Um, and we talked about if you're at the top of the lineup right now Good. It's your spot, but there's somebody right behind you coming for you. And when they come for you, one of two things is gonna happen. They're gonna take you over, which means we just got better at that position, or you're gonna fight back and take them over, which means we just got better at that position.

[00:07:50] Shelly Miller: Um, and so we just kinda talked about a healthy competitive environment where they could push each other daily. Um And just up the level of the entire team [00:08:00] by upping their level, um, as individuals from the bottom up. 

[00:08:03] Taylor Tutor: Mm-hmm. 

[00:08:04] Judd Wilson: I love that. So it, it builds competition within the team, but it also builds them almost cheering for the other person too, right?

[00:08:10] Judd Wilson: It 

[00:08:10] Shelly Miller: does. It really does. Like, that was, that's my favorite thing is by that point in the season, by the time we finally believed that we could do it and started making some big push and big wins, um, each goal was everybody's goal. So it became a thing of you scored, but you didn't score, we scored. Um, one of my players was like, "I think one of the cool things we could do to add to this is after you score, come shake everybody on the bench's hand," because I talk a lot about the bench wins games.

[00:08:34] Shelly Miller: Because if the bench isn't pushing the people above them, then they're not pushing anybody else, um, and we can't get better. And so it just, from the bottom up, they just stepped it up one day at a time. And, you know, we talk about the March Madness, who cuts the net, you know, everybody cuts the net. Yeah. So your leadership and your team as far as coaches and momentum with the team and the swing of that, it, it really can't happen if you don't have buy-in from the whole team.

[00:08:59] Shelly Miller: Mm-hmm. [00:09:00] 

[00:09:00] Judd Wilson: So in, uh, the girls basketball with University of Connecticut, Coach Geno, he talks about the bench a lot and talks about body language on the bench, and you probably, as a coach, probably seen him talk about that. But, you know, he watches their body language because if they're, like, mad they're not playing- 

[00:09:17] Shelly Miller: They're not 

[00:09:17] Judd Wilson: gonna help.

[00:09:17] Judd Wilson: Mm-hmm ... he says he- they're not gonna help. So I mean, that, it sounds like you're doing a lot of the same thing as keeping that momentum even not on the pitch. Look at me using- I'm learning. Sports lingo. Not on the pitch, but, but also on the bench as well. I think that's important for, for a team, but also in business as well.

[00:09:33] Judd Wilson: Mm-hmm. So that's great. 

[00:09:34] Taylor Tutor: What about motivating them after a setback or a loss, and maybe they expected to win that game, and then y'all didn't. How do you keep them motivated during that? 

[00:09:42] Shelly Miller: Right. So we spend a lot of time talking about progress, not perfection. Mm. Um, you're, you're never gonna be perfect.

[00:09:48] Shelly Miller: That's part of what life is. You're gonna back, you know, you're gonna backpedal all the time. Um, my favorite ma- I'm a math teacher and a coach, so there's a formula- ... that really goes really well. It's, it's E + [00:10:00] R = O. And if you've done any study on leadership, um, you've seen it, and it, it just stands for the event plus your response creates the outcome.

[00:10:08] Shelly Miller: Mm-hmm. So you literally have control of what happens if you can control yourself after a setback or after a bad event- Mm-hmm ... um, and can control what comes next. 

[00:10:16] Judd Wilson: So do you think that helped propel you to the state championship? And you said you were there before, and y'all quite didn't make it. So do, do you learn more from your setbacks than you do the victories, you think?

[00:10:27] Shelly Miller: Absolutely. I think if you go into it with the right mindset, um, the team that we beat in the state championship, we had ac- actually lost four to nothing to them early in the year. Um, but we talked to the girls before the game, and they were the team that beat us the year before in the finals. They're a very, very good team.

[00:10:41] Shelly Miller: And we told the girls the revenge tour starts in February, not December, 'cause we didn't really wanna show 'em, um, the grit and the level of everything that we had coming that we knew that we could do. So we kinda played off a little bit on that game. But the girls at the end were really disappointed in their, you know, in what- They did, but we talked about, you know, the only times [00:11:00] we gave up goals were when we were in a different position, so let's respond to what we did well in that, in that position.

[00:11:05] Shelly Miller: Um, I think it's just the small victories that they see one day at a time that helps them lead to that, that final goal. 

[00:11:10] Judd Wilson: I love that. Mm-hmm. I love that. Let me ask you this because, I mean, Tupelo is known, even when you were going through school there and meeting your husband in the 10th grade- I know, gosh.

[00:11:19] Judd Wilson: This is, this is a great story. It's another podcast, by the way. Right. Um, but I mean, all the teams are doing so well. And does that, does that motivate the girls' soccer team when they see the girls' basketball team? Or Friday night when we're, we're playing and they're, you know, they're w- a top 10 team and it was, like, a beat down.

[00:11:38] Shelly Miller: Not 

[00:11:38] Judd Wilson: even a game. They can edit that. Yeah. Wasn't even a game. We can say that. But I mean, does that, that motivate y'all too, right? I mean, just all together, that whole Tupelo Golden Wave spirit, right? 

[00:11:48] Shelly Miller: It absolutely does. I feel like that's come back. Like, I feel like it was here, and then I kinda felt like it went away.

[00:11:52] Shelly Miller: The administration now just has everybody fighting for each other. Um, we as a team go to all, and, and we're a little partial to the females, [00:12:00] but go to most of the guys' sports too. But we always at least pick a couple of games, and we make signs for the players, and we go as a group and watch softball, and we watch basketball, and we watch all of the female sports.

[00:12:08] Shelly Miller: And then in turn, they do the same thing for us. Mm-hmm. Um, so I think it's developed a really good sense of community and that momentum that they're throwing through. You know, when one team wins, the next one's gonna do it, too. 

[00:12:18] Judd Wilson: Yeah. And, and you even see it in extracurricular with show choir and everything else.

[00:12:22] Judd Wilson: I mean, that's gotta... This, the whole- I mean, it goes back to motivation, and I think it propels everybody, doesn't it? 

[00:12:28] Shelly Miller: Absolutely. 

[00:12:29] Judd Wilson: Mm-hmm. 

[00:12:30] Taylor Tutor: Absolutely. It's exciting. And y- that can be applied to, uh, a workplace, um, out, you know, off of the field, in a classroom, supporting your coworkers, supporting your family, you know, people that you care about.

[00:12:40] Taylor Tutor: So talk a little bit about leadership in the classroom, too. How do they overlap, and how can you motivate and p- you know, propel forward your classroom as well? 

[00:12:49] Shelly Miller: Yeah. So one of the things about me is I am, I'm a true believer that especially females don't have to separate caring for students [00:13:00] and having high expectations for students.

[00:13:01] Shelly Miller: I think sometimes people think those are two totally separate things, um, and they're opposites. Like, if you care for them, you'll lower your standards to help them. If you have these high expectations for them, then you don't really care about them in the moment. You just care about your rigor and your standards and this, and I think it's the total opposite.

[00:13:18] Shelly Miller: I think those of us in the education field or coaching field, I, I have that high expectation, and I set the bar as high as I can, can. I demand success, I demand excellence because I care. Um, and so I tell them all the time, I'm like, "I'm not here for you to like me now. I'm here for you to appreciate me later."

[00:13:37] Shelly Miller: Um, because I think the more we can teach them to push through adversity, embrace the struggle, especially... I teach an AP level math course. I- it is hard. Um, I think a lot of times kids these days haven't learned how to struggle yet. We make things too easy for them. Um, and so I, I sit down with the parents beforehand and I say, "They're gonna struggle.

[00:13:55] Shelly Miller: Let's help them learn how to struggle before they go off to college and have to do it without our support." [00:14:00] Um, so I think to me, that's just the biggest thing. In a workplace, I think you can pull that in. You know, like, you can demand high expectations, and you can demand success, and you can demand excellence and still show that you care if you do it the right way.

[00:14:13] Taylor Tutor: Mm-hmm. 

[00:14:14] Judd Wilson: I love that. 

[00:14:15] Taylor Tutor: Um- I definitely think working with students, they're probably not gonna like you at first, but that also probably means you're doing your job. 

[00:14:22] Shelly Miller: Yes. 

[00:14:22] Judd Wilson: I'm kind of glad I wasn't in Coach Miller's math class. 

[00:14:27] Taylor Tutor: I will say, math is my weakest subject. But 

[00:14:29] Judd Wilson: it's good to see that because you're right, 'cause the hard teachers that I had growing up, looking back, I mean- I liked everybody, it's not that I didn't, but- Mm-hmm

[00:14:41] Judd Wilson: I do appreciate them more. 

[00:14:42] Shelly Miller: I think so. Yeah. I think especially when they hit that first college math class, they look back and they think, "Ooh, I'm glad she made me figure that out and didn't let me cheat through it." 

[00:14:49] Judd Wilson: Mm-hmm. Now, do your, do your, uh, girls that you coach that are in your class, I mean, they're, are they at the front row?

[00:14:56] Judd Wilson: I mean, it, are they, it's a little bit different expectation It, 

[00:14:59] Shelly Miller: it is, it is. And, [00:15:00] and they know. I mean, I, I demand the same amount on the field, and that's why I think they're successful out there, is they, they see me with this, this level of I'm, I'm not gonna accept less because I know you can reach that level.

[00:15:11] Shelly Miller: Um, and so when I think that you show that belief in them to get there, then they start believing in themselves, and it just raises them higher, classroom and field and everywhere. 

[00:15:18] Judd Wilson: Right. Now, you, you've been coaching a while, so you probably know this. I'm probably not, uh, telling any tales out of school, but I'm actually sitting next to, uh, North Pontotoc's right wing- Yay

[00:15:30] Judd Wilson: in the girls' soccer team. You probably already, you probably have already looked at the stats. 

[00:15:34] Shelly Miller: I already knew that. 

[00:15:34] Judd Wilson: You knew. I knew. I remember her. You knew it because she was- Yeah. I know. How, how would you coach Taylor? How would, how would you- How would you coach this strong right winger over here that I have sitting next to me?

[00:15:43] Judd Wilson: What are some ways to motivate her? 

[00:15:44] Taylor Tutor: I know she would tell me to, um, be positive and cheer for my teammate. 

[00:15:48] Judd Wilson: Oh, so, so, so you were one of those on the- So I 

[00:15:50] Taylor Tutor: was on the bench. 

[00:15:51] Judd Wilson: Okay. 

[00:15:52] Shelly Miller: She would've been the best. 

[00:15:55] Taylor Tutor: No, but I do wanna ask this as we wrap up, if, um, obviously, we may not have a [00:16:00] lot of student listeners, but we have a lot of adult, but what would you give, what, like, piece of advice might you give someone who maybe is, doesn't have any momentum, is lacking the motivation?

[00:16:10] Taylor Tutor: What would, what piece of advice would you give to them? 

[00:16:12] Shelly Miller: I think just the biggest, that controlling your response. Yeah. Um, because they're, that event is either gonna be a good event or a bad event, and whether it's good or bad, if you can control your response to it- Mm ... then you can set your own momentum in the right way, um, by controlling how you react to the things that happen to you.

[00:16:29] Taylor Tutor: Yeah, that's good. 

[00:16:31] Judd Wilson: I love that. 

[00:16:31] Taylor Tutor: Yes. Well, Shelley, thank you so much for your time today. We appreciate you coming to talk about momentum, and we wish you good luck in this season, too. 

[00:16:38] Shelly Miller: Thank y'all so much for having me. Believe. Believe.

[00:16:52] Taylor Tutor: Thanks for tuning in to another episode of IgniteCast presented by iHeartMedia. For more leadership insights and engaging [00:17:00] conversations, be sure to hit subscribe. And if you enjoyed today's episode, we'd love for you to leave a review. And remember, go forth and do good things